Hmm… I knew I was forgetting SOMETHING!
Yes, I know, I was away awhile. A blend of a few things: Apathy. Sloth. Disinterest. The American Cocktail, if you will. Or at least most of it, I missed the part where I got fat. Fat Bob is Scary Bob…
Anywho, I’m here now. So all… three of you that read this can rest less easy now knowing my rage is here to fill your eye pits until they burn.
Now, back to business.
I live in Minnesota. And I’ll admit, I love it here. Despite the fact it gave me record snow falls, record flood levels, AND record heat waves all in the last year. It’s a pleasant place. However, something about my state has been coming up a lot lately, and it’s something I can’t let go unpunished.
Michele. Fucking. Bachmann.
Seriously, I can’t say it enough: Our Bad.
We keep re-electing this nutjob cunt, and it’s got to stop. It’s gotten so bad that somehow she thinks it’s ok to run for President. Hey, Michy, baby, cut that out. We get it. You’re a “Politician”. You’re also the spawn of a lesser demon from the layer of hell that is reserved for Homophobic whackos. And the retarded spawn of that demon, no less. Like… that demon had you… and then dropped you. Then picked you up and OOPS dropped you again. Then fed you paint chips.
…the point is, the bitch is crazy.
And I can’t help but feel personally responsible for letting her loose on this world. As if I was the one that bridged the river Styx and helped her get out of her cage of human bones.
Apparently, she wanted to find a cure for Gay. Admirable, but perhaps misguided what with things like cancer and stuff still rollin’ around. I mean, even a cure for that weird shiver I get when I hit the head would be more useful…
The sad thing is, I could see her as our next President. Face it, folks, when it comes to politicians, we’re masochistic at best. We know we’re going to have scandals, in fact, we look forward to them. What else is Jon Stewart going to keep making the same three jokes about all week?
We elected Bush Jr. because we thought it’d be funny. We elected him again because even this sick nation wasn’t willing to put John Kerry’s insane ass in office. We elected Obama because we got tired of looking at old white dudes. And we could easily elect Michele Bachmann because we want the first Woman/Succubus President on record as “Progression”.
And four years after that? We’ll paroll and elect Charles Manson. Hey, at least we’ll be back to Regan levels of creepy then.
Michele Bachmann, you make my brain cry. Last time we churned out a Presidential candidate, it was Walter Mondale. That didn’t quite work, so I guess you’ll have to do. Hey, who knows, maybe you’ll win and we can finally feel like we’ve accomplished something in the political circuit: producing the final President before this country becomes a smoldering pile of feces.
Again… sorry… really… we didn’t think she was serious…
Until next time, fuck off!